Will You Stay (Final Part)

Ashton wakes up early the next morning. The Sun is just about to rise but the sky is already bright. Anne is still fast asleep beneath the comfy duvet. He heads to the bathroom and takes a shower. Once he is all freshen up, Ashton goes into the kitchen and prepares breakfast for his beloved wife. “Good morning, sunshine”, he kisses Anne’s forehead. She directly wakes up and replies, “Good morning. Ash, are you okay?” Anne wonders why her husband is behaving weirdly this morning. “Hey I’m okay. Baby, I won’t hurt you anymore, I promised.” He plants a kiss on Anne’s lips. Anne draws a smile on her face. “Eat your breakfast first. I made it specially for you, with love. I’m going to meet Leo. It’s been awhile since the last time I met him. I miss my best friend” Ashton puts on his shoes. “Okay, have fun darling. But please be home for lunch. I’ll cook for you.” Anne kisses Ashton’s cheek. He grabs the car key and leaves the house. Anne gets up and eats her breakfast. A couple of minutes later, she hears a knock on the door. Anne gets the door and she startles because it’s Ashton. He smiles cheekily but the looks on his eyes concerns her. “Goodbye Anne, I’ll see you soon” He kisses his wife and leaves the house for real.

 ********** 

Ashton drives to the hospital, his former workplace and heads straight to the rooftop. He gets the place for himself and the view is stunning from up there. Ashton lights up a cigarette. Memories from the past flashes through his mind. He remembers one time when he sat beside his dad after his parents had a huge fight. He remembers when his father started smoking in front of him and said smoking is the only way to forget all the problems. He remembers the moment he started to smoke when he was 12. He remembers when he went to medical school and became one of the best surgeons in the state. He remembers the day when he met Anne and eventually married to his wife. He remembers the day he found out he was diagnosed with HIV. And he remembers the lie he told his wife this morning, saying that he wants to catch up with Leo. Ashton actual plan is to savor a few hours of solitude at the rooftop. The place is very personal to him. The rooftop is where he would have a long conversation with Leo, where he would smokes for hours after his shift ended. It is also the rooftop where he kissed Anne for the first time. Ashton throws the last cigarette and closes his eyes.

 Back at home, Anne enters the kitchen to start the dishwasher. Her eyes catch a glimpse of something rare on the fridge. There is a piece of red-coloured paper attached with a fridge magnet. It is a letter. Anne starts feeling nauseous. She takes the letter and soon begins reading it. First, she fall sitting on the cold ground. Second, she starts sobbing dreadfully. Anne gets up, rushes to the bedroom and changes her clothes and races like a jet to the hospital. She dials Leo’s cell on her way there. “Leo, is Ashton with you? Please tell me he’s with you!” Anne starts crying again. “I’m afraid not, why? Anne, are you okay?” Leo could senses something is wrong. “Can you go to the rooftop? I’ll meet you there” she hangs up.

Anne arrives at the hospital and parks her car. The first thing she sees is a crowd of people gathering at the foyer. Anne pushes everyone out of her way and right in front of her lies a static body. Throughout her 25 years of existence, Anne never feels more shattered than she is now. What’s in front of her is a dead man, someone she loves, someone she would die for, her husband. No, her dead husband. The late Ashton Flack.  Seeing him surrounded by a pool blood means only one thing, she’s too late. She wishes that she arrives earlier so she might still has the chance to save her husband. Her dead husband. Anne kneels down by the body. “No Ash noooooo! Please don’t leave me. You can’t leave me, I need you. Somebody save him, please!” Leo pulls her away and hugs her. He lets Anne cries her eyes out into his chest . If only she found the letter earlier, Ashton would still be alive

 Hey there, Anne... I don’t know where to start. Should I start from the day we met or the day that I started to hurt your feeling? I feel sick about everything. Sick that I hurt your feelings. I’m really sorry. I hate that your feeling got hurt like that. I want to take it back, but I can’t. But I do want to make things good with you. I wish I had a chance to make it right and be with you. But I knew I’d always have the chance. I’m just afraid of it. I might ruins the chance and hurt your feeling again. I don’t know what to do. You’re always told me that the day that I fall, you’ll be right behind me. And you did. I like you a lot. Like on a scale of one to ten, try infinity. To fall in love at first sight, things were going great, everything felt so right. The day that I first met you, I felt in love. I never wanted to believe in that called fate, but I don’t know what happened. I felt good about it. I never thought that I will be the happiest man alive when I met you. I thank you for that, Anne. I don’t know how to put this in words but I have to. I have an HIV positive. I knew it right before our wedding day. I got it from the boy that I help when I was In Ethiopia. His parents died due to HIV. I couldn’t believe it myself too. I know I’d break your heart and I just couldn’t face the fact that I’d hurting too and I’m afraid.. I vow, like the vows we did during our wedding that I never cheated on you. I’m helpless, Anne. I tired of this. I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. You were there throughout my days and nights, but I couldn’t burden you more with my mess. I hate getting flashbacks from things that I don’t want to remember. I probably shouldn’t have done that. I wish I knew what goes on your mind when you read this. I wish I can hug you right in the moment you finish reading this because I knew, you’ll definitely cry after reading this. But, I know, I couldn’t. I should go away, far away. It hurts but I know it is for the best. I confess you are the best thing in my life that I would get jealous of the people who get to see you and be with you every day after I gone. Nobody has ever made me feel the way you do. Till we meet again. I wish. I always love you. I do. 

 Love, Ashton Flack

Will You Stay (Part 14)

“There’s absolutely nothing that can change him now, Anne. He’s depressed” Luke says while handing a cup of warm peppermint tea to Anne. 

“You have to be patient, Anne. He’s struggling with his life. He feels neglected every time he sees you and Leo together. He’s obviously jealous because you spend more time at the hospital, plus Leo works there too. As Luke says, he’s depressed.” Natalie sits on the armchair across Anne. 

“He lost his job and his wife has to work to support him. His addiction becomes worst because he has got nothing to do, honey. All he wants is to forget his entire problems” Natalie adds. Anne lets out a sigh full of distress. “I know that he’s depressed. That’s why I chose to stay with him. I love him so much. I’ve never been in love with anyone before him, he’s my first love and I do hope he’s my last. I’ve done everything I could to help him overcomes his addiction, forces him to take his medicine and brings him for therapy.” Anne places the teacup on the saucer. She continues, “The day I found out that he was infected by HIV, my heart sank. I wish he never went to Ethiopia. I can listen to your advice Luke, to leave him. But I stay, because I love him. He has no else in his life, apart from Leo and I. No matter what happen, I will stay with him.” 

 Luke puts his arm around Natalie’s shoulder.“Your love doesn’t has the power to change him, sis. If it can, why is he still like that? Do you know why he wouldn’t change, despite everything that you’ve done for him? Because he’s self-centered! A selfish guy!” Luke stands up and disappears into the kitchen. From there, he says to Anne, “As long as both of you are together, you’ll always live in the hell of suffering.” 

 The three of them do not realize that their discussion is about to unleash a hurricane in someone’s life. Ashton has been eavesdropping from behind the door throughout their conversation. The minute Anne leaves the house, Ashton realizes it is never her fault that things turn out to be this way around. He should not be too harsh to his wife. He knows that all Anne wants is to see him live. Plus he knows full well that Anne loves her but yesterday’s incident at the hospital really crushed him. He awares that every time they have an argument, Anne will go to her brother’s house. So he follows her to apologise. 

Just a split second before his knuckle knocks the door, he heard the conversation between Anne and his brother in law. Ashton leaves the doorstep before anyone realizes that he was there. He returns to his house, lights up a cigarette as usual and loss himself in his thoughts. He loves Anne, God knows how deeply in love he is with her. But the flame of jealousy would always light up upon the two of them. “I must change. For Anne and everyone else’s sake. He switches off the light and crawls under the quilt in hope that tomorrow he could talk to Anne about what’s bothering him. 

 ********** 

 It is an hour before midnight when Anne arrives home. Even though Ashton and her got into a fight, Anne cannot remain mad at him. She needs Ashton and Ashton needs her. She realizes that going to Luke’s house and telling her brother about her problem with Ashton was a huge mistake. 

It is pitch black in their bedroom. Anne switches on the bedside lamp and sees Ashton sleeping soundly on the bed. She lies down beside him, facing his back and strokes his hair. Anne misses Ashton very much so she hugs him. “I’m sorry Ash, I shouldn’t have left you this morning. I love you Ash, not just for now, but forever. And I’m dreaming for the day that you’ll take me in your arms again.” 

Ashton was awake by the time Anne lay down next to him but he pretends to be asleep. He listens to Anne’s words. Ashton cries unintentionally because he knows that Anne misses the old Ashton Flack, the one who always cheers her up. He turns around, grabs Anne’s hand and hugs her tightly leaving her breathless.

 “I love you too, Anne” Ashton whispers as he kisses her neck. “Would it be okay to you if I redeem myself tonight for behaving like a child this morning?” He smirks. Anne can’t help but to accept his flirtatious offer. Ashton opens the drawer of the nightstand to grab the ‘thing’ to equip himself for the long night before switching off the table lamp. Both Ashton and Anne enjoy the wonderful night.

Will You Stay (Part 13)

“I’m home, darling” Anne hugs Ashton from his back. “Happy Anniversary Ash. The past 36 hours were killing me. I miss you so much it hurts. Glad that I don’t have to go to work tomorrow”. She plants a kiss on his neck. As much as Ashton is still annoyed by the incident, seeing Anne somehow cleared the air a little bit. He doesn’t want to dismay Anne so he fakes a smile. 

“Please tell me you’re hungry because one, I’m starving and two, I cooked your favourite chicken pot pie that you’ve been craving for since the last 36 hours.” “On the scale of 1 to 10, I’m at 11 of how hungry I am. Let’s fill the monster in my tummy now”, Anne takes Ashton’s hand whilst her other hand takes the cigarette he is smoking and throws it.

 “OH MY GOD! Are you sure you haven’t seen Jamie Oliver sneaking into our apartment? Cause this Chicken Pot Pie is the best I’ve ever had in my entire life!”, Anne mumbles with her eyes closed. “Wow that’s a huge compliment baby, thank you. So, are you ready for your gift?” Ash asks halfheartedly. “Of course I am. Is it normal that I’m sweating out of nerve haha”, Anne places the cutlery down. Across her, Ashton is holding a beautifully wrapped box with a red bow. Anne takes his gift and eagerly opens it. Inside, there is a stethoscope with both Ashton and Anne’s names carved in cursive writing. She is overwhelmed by the present, tears rain from her sparkly eyes. “You even have our names carved there! I swear this is the best gift ever. Thank you so much Ash!” Ashton glad to see the look on Anne’s face. He is flattered by her priceless reaction. “The reason I put our name together is to remind you that I’m always by your side every time you use it.” Ash takes a sip of wine. “I love you forever Ashton Flack. You know, I wouldn’t mind if you hurt my feelings because it would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you”. Anne kisses the back of Ashton’s right hand. 

********** 

 The analogue clock on their wall shows quarter past nine in the morning. “Ash, honey, wake up. I’ve made breakfast for you.” Anne places the tray containing a stack of pancakes and freshly squeezed orange juice on the night stand. Ashton groans and stretches his arms. He takes the cigarette box in the drawer and lights it up, his favourite dish for breakfast. “You have a therapy at eleven, you should get ready now darling”, Anne shouts from the dressing table. Ashton ignores her entirely. Antiretroviral Therapy is the treatment that 

Ashton started receiving from the day he was diagnosed with HIV. The treatment helps to maintain a low level of the virus inside him. He is required to consume a combination of HIV medicines every day. These HIV medicines could extend his life, promote a healthier life and reduce the risk of transmitting HIV to others.

 “No. I’m not going anywhere.” Ashton walks towards the glass windows showing the magnificent view of the city. “Oh come on. You know that this treatment is important for you. Stop acting like a three years old, will you? You should get going now.” Anne takes Ashton’s towel and hands it to him, in hope the dark clouds above him flew away. “Have you ever thought of what’s the purpose of me having to go for that treatment if we both know well and aware that one day I’m still gonna die. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, who knew? So please, love, let me enjoy the remnants of my life peacefully.” 

Ashton is getting annoyed by Anne’s nag. Little that he knows that Anne is bubbling with wrath. Ashton’s cheek is now red from her powerful slap. “How many times do I have to tell you that you can’t die? At least not for now.” Anne starts crying. “You promised that you will always be my side, supporting me. If you’re not around, who will Ash? Who?” Ashton faces Anne and sarcastically reply, “Leo. You got him, am I right? He’d be there for you.” “Leo, Leo frickin Leo. Why do you have to bring up his name every time we fight? This thing we’re dealing with, is between you and me. He has got nothing to do with this.” Anne is speaking with her fierce tone now. “I can’t believe that you think I’m so naïve. You think I didn’t know what both of you did behind my back?! You guys must’ve done something when I’m far away in Ethiopia, right? I know Leo has feelings for you, Anne. He never said that to me, but I’m sure. Because he’s my friend.” Ashton punches the glass window leaving an echo inside the room.

 “What rubbish! If we really had done something when you were at Ethiopia, I will not propose you after you got back. I don’t care about him, I just want you Ashton.” Anne wraps her arms around Ashton’s waist. He let himself free from her. “Remember our anniversary day? I went to the hospital to fetch you. And do you know what I saw? I saw both of you, alone, happily laughing to God-knows-what topic and then you kissed him.”

 “So you saw both of us? You know what really happen at that time? He congratulates us for our anniversary, that’s it! I can simply file a divorce when I found out that you have HIV, but I chose to stay. I don’t care about what other people say, I’m willing to risk my life to be with you, because I love you Ashton, I love you so much. I know you love your cigarette more than you will ever love me. I know that you can live without me, but not without your cigarette, but I can’t live without you Ash, you’re my everything.” Anne is tasting saltwater from her own eyes. “You know what, I had enough, Ashton. I’m tired of this bullshits!” Anne turns away, slams the door and leaves the house. She is heading to her brother’s house.

Will You Stay (Part 12)

It’s half past four. The clouds started dripping droplets of clear liquid when Ashton left home approximately 50 minutes ago. He is on his way to the hospital to ferry Anne home because they are celebrating their very first anniversary tonight. Aston promised Anne that he will cook her favourite Chicken Pot Pie as a reward after her 36-hours deranged shift. Ashton never love the rain and now the traffic is collaborating with the weather in the game of upsetting him. He is losing so he uses his all-time winning weapon to counteract. Ashton rolls the window down and lights a cigarette. 

“You’ve been smiling all day. What’s the occasion?” “Today is my first wedding anniversary with Ashton. I’m so excited. Can’t wait to go back and celebrate with him” Leo half smirks in reply to Anne’s answer. A small part of him is happy for her though his heart has gone through a terrible process to bring a stop towards his unconditional love for Anne.

 Leo sighs and takes a gulp. He tasted bile. “May all your years to come, bring in loads of sweet and lovely memorable times in your life. I congratulate you, and wish you a very Happy Anniversary, Anne” “Thank you Leo, you’re such a good friend. Ashton is so lucky to have you as his best friend” “Friend huh”, Leo murmured as he faces away from Anne. “I’m so happy to see both of you together. I never imagined that Ashton is going to get married before. He’s not the dating type.” Anne let out a giggle. Maybe she is too obsessed admiring Ashton that she never realized he never had a serious relationship before they were together.

 “Haha really?” “Yeah, but that was before he met you. He never has time for anything other else than his work. He can hardly leave this place, it’s like home to him.” Leo reminisces the past. “And after he met you, he changed. It was hard for me to believe that Ashton, the work machine, changed because he met a girl. But I’m not surprised that he did because, well, it’s you. I know that both of you will be together”. Leo makes Anne awed. “Wow, now a psychologist can predict someone’s future. Are you sure you’re not a seer?” Leo puts his hands inside his pockets when the frosty wind blows. He looks into Anne’s eyes and says, “I’m not predicting your future, my dear Anne. For your information, we never talk about anything other than man’s stuff before. But since he met you, his topic will always have an association with you. Ashton really loves you Anne, he really do.” 

 Anne can feel the warmth of her tears in the corner of her eyes so she hastily blinks it away. “I know Leo. I love him too, I love him so much. And I can’t imagine my life without him”. She takes a quick glance at her watch and realized that she had spent almost an hour on the rooftop with Leo. “I’m so sorry Leo but I really have to get going now, he’s been waiting for me since morning. I’ll catch up with you soon Leo”. 

Anne plants a friendly kiss on Leo’s left cheek and heads to the elevator. Before he left their apartment, Ashton felt a yearning for his meeting with Anne but now he doubts that. He throws the cigarette between his teeth onto the concrete floor and steps on it furiously. Seeing Anne and Leo laughing intimately makes his heart aches. “After all that I’d done, Anne” he monologues. 

Ashton clenches his fist and walks back to his car and return home cancelling his plan to fetch his wife. The first thing Ashton does when he enters the apartment is switching off every single light in there. He sets up the table although he is not sure whether the dinner is still on or not. His encounter with Anne and Leo at the hospital still messes his minds. Once everything is in place, he goes out into the balcony and lights another cigarette, the 20th for today. Ashton hears a knock on the door and he knows that Anne is home. He lets the sound sink into the depths of the silence and enjoys the poison in his mouth instead.